Rant

Today I was told by "the matriarch" that Kyle and I are selfish for going as much as we do and "pawning off our kids".

I felt the need to defend myself. 

And still do.

So my rant is for me. 

I am not selfish with my time. I love my children so much it hurts. But my life is different. Me and my kids can't just run to the park or the store or anywhere. I can't go run errands on a whim or take them somewhere fun. I don't have evenings to catch up or play games or stay outside all evening.

I work. And because of that, my special needs child goes to daycare. And because of that, my special needs child is over it by the time we get home and needs me intensely. And because of that my older child gets left out. And because of hat I feel utterly guilty. And all of this and that affects my marriage.

So, yes, if a grandparent asks to just take Hudson for a day or two, I'll say yes. I'll grant him the one on one attention he deserves even if can't be for me. Yes, I will ask for help with Maddox so I can actually have a chance to bond with Hudson as his momma. And most importantly, yes I will ask for multiple hands to help with both of my children sothat  I can go on a date or out of town for a weekend with my husband. Part of having a child with special needs is dealing every day with the reality that you don't have the life you expected and neither will your child. 

My kids will leave me but I am called to be one with my husband and I will not be made to feel guilty for making my marriage a priority. Kyle and I refuse to become a statistic. Divorce rates are insane but divorce rates of couples with a child with special needs are down right staggering.

So if you ever watch us and judge how and when we leave our children or drag them all over, judge away. Then come live a week with is and tell me you wouldn't be humble in asking for a weekend break from time to time. You'd see how much we crave normalcy - albeit with both kids, one kid, or none. 

On that note, we are off to New Orleans. We need to be a married couple and not medical caregivers, tense roommates, and/or stressed out parents. We can realize how much we need a weekend with friends.

It's why God gave us community. I rely on my huge visit physically, emotionally, and spiritually.